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The Man Versus Woman Page Created 08/04/2007 Modified 07/01/2009

 

 

Originally Posted 06/24/09                 

                   

Still think Men and Women are alike?

   
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER
 

 8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
 8.30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday.
 8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants,
     open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
 9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil.
10.00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer.
10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry.
12.00 Lunch with best friend a fashionable outdoor cafe.
12.45 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notice she's gained 30lbs
 1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.
 3.00 Nap.
 4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer.
 4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle
     hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
 5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before
     full-length mirror.
 7.30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments
     received from other diners/dancers.
10.00 Hot shower (alone).
10.50 Carried to bed..........(freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen).
11.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.
 
      THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM

 

6.00 Alarm.
6.15 Blow job.
6.30 Take a very satisfying and absolute Monster dump while reading the
     sport section.
7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by
     naked wench who bends over a lot showing her growler.
7.30 Limo arrives.
7.45 Flight in personal Lear Jet.
9.15 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route).
9.45 Play front nine - 2 under.
11.45 Lunch - pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon.
12.15 Blow job.
12.30 Play back nine (of golf course) - 4 under.
2.15 Limo back to the airport (Several Bourbons).
2.30 Fly to
Cairns.
3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who
     also bend over a lot displaying growlers.
4.30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle.
5.00 Fly home, massage and blow job by naked Elle McPherson (bending
     over......naturally).
6.45 Shit, Shower and Shave.
7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marijuana and hard porn
     legalized.
 7.30 Dinner: lobster appetizer, Dom Perignon (1953) big juicy fillet steak
     followed by ice-cream served on a big pair of tits.
 9.00 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies.....some bending over).
 11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale+ blowjob.
 11.45 In bed alone.
 11.50  A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
     leave the room.
 12.00 Spend 10 mins laughing before falling asleep.

 

How to Shower Like a Woman (Posted 8/2/07)

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. 

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. 

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. 

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Check entire body for zits; tweeze hairs.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. 

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off  towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

 

 

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